Heydey ho, yousan! Mesa here to tell yousan bout dis Star Wars Vault box set! Deysa spake itsa “30 Years of Treasures From de Lucasfilm Archives”, and deysa point is well seen! Posters, iron-ons, copies of handwritten script pages, and a maxibig book wit behind-de-scenes photos from all de movies, some dem never before published! Itsa also 2 CDs wit vintage radio ads, original cast interviews, excerpts from de Star Wars radio drama, and other tracks – including Princess Leia song from de bombad Christmas special! Mesa had like dis Christmas special so mooey mooey, but itsa so expensive on eBay!

(My enjoy dis memorabilia whilesa me wear mesa Let The Cookie Win t-shirt, but my not sure whysa.)

Yeah, so dis Star Wars Vaultsa maxihot, but my have one question: wheresa mesa? Whysa me not on de cover? Whena mesa boyo George had hire mesa to be in hesan movie, hesa had say my be maxibig star dat all de people like! Some stinkowiff fanso try to crunch mesa: dem say mesa annoying, mesa borderline racist caricature, mesa cheap ploy fe younger audiences, mesa mek dem movies jump de shark. How wude! But mesa boyo say dem fanboyso cawazy. My know: hesa ganna make new Vault all mesa own! My can’t wait! Ooey booey! Fe now, yousan mus’ be satisfied wit dis Star Wars Vault, okeeday? Byesy-bo!

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• The official illustrated book celebrating the 30th anniversary of George Lucas' first Star Wars movie
• "The Star Wars Vault" is the insider's look at the development and making of all six movies, and the huge cultural impact they've had.
• In addition to hundreds of photos and pieces of artwork, the book includes fifty interactive, rare, and some never-before-seen pieces of memorabilia.
• "The Star Wars Vault" is the ultimate, one-of-a-kind insider's look into the sensation that launched a phenomenon that includes six feature films; two spin-off films; three television series with more to come; and an extensive collection of licensed books, comics, video games, action figures, trading cards, and many other products worldwide.
• Includes fifty interactive, rare and some never-before-published memorabilia, including reproductions of Lucas’s own handwritten script pages, flip-though catalogs, swag, posters, T-shirt transfers, stickers, blueprints, production notes, animation cels, and much more
• Includes 2 CDs containing over 2 hours of vintage radio ads, original cast interviews, excerpts from the NPR Star Wars radio drama, Carrie Fisher’s Holiday Special performance of Princess Leia’s song, George Lucas’s commentary, and other tracks that tell the story of everyone’s favorite galactic saga as never before
• Unique and unprecedented history and tribute to the Star Wars films
• Comes in a protective hardcover box
• Hardcover: 128 pages
• Publisher: HarperEntertainment (October 30, 2007)
• Product Dimensions: 13.4 x 11.6 x 1.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.8 pounds

In the box:

• Star Wars Vault 30 Years of Treasures From the Lucasfilm Archives
• Fifty interactive, rare and some never-before-published memorabilia
• 2 audio CDs
• Protective hardcover box

Hey, (BLEEP)head, we gotta hand it to you: great job on the profanity. Your fluency and deftness in English-language vulgarisms is without peer. You’re a (BLEEP) genius, the (BLEEP) Shakespeare or (BLEEP) Twain of your chosen idiom. You don’t just cross the line – you (BLEEP) in its (BLEEP) and then (BLEEP) all over it.

But there are billions of people out there who would just shrug blankly if you told them “Go take a flying (BLEEP), (BLEEP)-for-brains.” In today’s interconnected world, can you really afford to leave so much of the planet unscathed by your relentless pottymouth?

(BLEEP) that (BLEEP)! Professor Crass (presumably no relation to the English anarcho-punk band, although they also liked a good f-word) says “Global profanity class is in (BLEEP) session, (BLEEP)face.” And the syllabus is the International Cursing 101 CD, with profanities, vulgarities, curses, and imprecations in no less than 12 languages. Don’t forget the obscene hand gestures printed in the booklet.

But what’s up with the inclusion of no less than three languages from the Indian subcontinent (Hindi, Punjabi, and Kannada)? How many trips to India have YOU taken? And isn’t English the common second language there anyway? If it bespeaks some sort of Comedy Central racism involving the proprietors of 7-11s, we say “(BLEEP) you, Professor Crass!” But he’d probably appreciate the sentiment.

Warranty: One Year Professor Crass

Features:

• Professor Crass teaches you how to curse in Arabic, French, German, Hebrew, Hindi, Italian, Kannada, Mandarin, Punjabi, Polish, Spanish (Mexican), and Spanish (Spain)
• CD comes in a stylish cover
• Inside the case will have figures describing how to make offensive hand gestures in other cultures (cottage cheese not included)
• This is a great gift for yourself, people studying abroad, and people who travel for business or pleasure

In the box:

• International Cursing CD
• CD Cover with Cursing Signs Inside

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Connects 4 USB devices to a single USB port
• Spins around and yells “woohoo!” at the push of a button

In the box:

These are the times you’ll remember. The whole family gathered around the Sony PlayStation 3, bathed in the chilly glow of games and movies. The kids learning valuable life lessons from GTA XI: Frag The Nursing Home! (sold separately). The young ones bonding with their older siblings over a spirited game of Curious George vs. Predator (sold separately). All of you, together, marvelling at the lifelike special effects of Blu-Ray movies like Spiderman 3 (included!), sharing the wonderful illusion that Bryce Howard looks like that naturally. Yes, if it wasn’t for your PlayStation 3, you’d hardly have a family worthy of the name.

What? You…you…you never got your kids a PlayStation 3? Wow. Man. We knew there were parents like you out there. But we just weren’t ready to face it.

Listen, before we report you to Family Services, we’ll give you a chance to make amends. Here’s a PlayStation right here, with an integrated Blu-Ray player, 7.1-channel sound, and 1080p video. And oh yeah, it plays video games, too. We don’t want to call you a monster if you’ve never had a chance to do right by your kids. If you pass this deal up, then we’ll call you a monster.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• 40GB hard drive: This PS3 console includes Wi-Fi capability and a 40GB hard disk drive (HDD).
• Blu-ray: This next-generation media format delivers the ultimate high-definition entertainment. With more than five times the storage capacity of standard DVD, Blu-ray offers gamers larger, more interactive and sophisticated environments to immerse themselves in. The PS3 is the only console with a built-in Blu-ray player.
• HDMI: High-Definition Multimedia Interface (HDMI) offers an all-digital audio and video interface between any compatible device, such as DVD players, A/V receivers and other HDMI compatible monitors.
• Cell Broadband engine: Sony has created an advanced microprocessor unlike any other. Up to eight cores help balance the processor’s workload for more powerful and efficient performance.
• Online compatibility: Sony is offering an online option with their PS3 that will remain free to users.*
• Multi-axis motion sensing: Found in the new PS3 controllers, the multi-axis motion sensing system provides seamless interactive operation as well as the ability to maneuver the controller as a natural extension of your body.
• Bonus: Spider-man 3 Movie Disc
• CPU: Cell Broadband Engine
• GPU: RSX
• Memory: 256MB XDR Main RAM, 256MB GDDR3 VRAM
• HDD: 2.5” Serial ATA (40GB)
• I/O: USB 2.0 X 2
• Communication: Ethernet (10BASE-T, 100BASE-TX, 1000BASE-T IEEE 802.11 b/g Wi-Fi Bluetooth 2.0 (EDR) Wireless Controller Bluetooth (up to 7)
• Supported Video Resolutions: 480i, 480p, 720p, 1080i, 1080p (24p/60p)
• Outputs: o HDMI™: HDMI out – (x1 / HDMI) o Analog: AV MULTI OUT x 1 o Digital audio: DIGITAL OUT (OPTICAL) x 1 Blu-ray/DVD/CD DRIVE “read only”
• Dimensions: 325mm x 98mm x 274mm (W x H x D)

In The Box:

• Sony PlayStation 3 40GB Console
• Spider-man 3 Movie Disc
• 1 (one) x PS3 Wireless Controller
• Power Cord
• AV Cable
• USB Cable
• Software
• User Guide

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Play arcade basketball at your desk
• No more waiting in lines at busy arcades
• No tokens or quarters required!
• USB powered, keeps track of your score
• No drivers required

In the box:

• Mini Arcade Basketball
• 4 Mini Basketballs
• USB Cable

So close, but so far. You can see the street trees shrugging in the breeze, the sunlight bathing everything in gold, the patches of grass like bright green miracles. Your every cell aches to go outside, to run, to set a kite swooping in the sky. But you’re deskbound, cubicle-bound, office-bound. You can’t even open the windows.

But you can bring a little of the outdoors indoors. A house plant. An AstroTurf desk. And a Mighty Kite Mini-Kite, the eensy-weensy flying toy that barely needs a breath of wind to take flight. Any desk fan or A/C vent ought to do the trick. Just don’t let it crash in your desktop waterfall.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Pocket sized kite, small enough to fit in a purse or glove box
• No Assembly required, ready to fly
• 40 yards of line, and extra tails for high wind flying
• No running required

In the box:

• Mighty Kite Mini-Kite

This is your chance to adopt one of the last specimens of a dying breed. It’ll be like having a Tasmanian Tiger in your yard, or making all your calls on one of those hand-crank telephones like the one they used on “Lassie.” You’ll be an eccentric!

There was nothing unusual about owning an HD-DVD player a couple years ago. Why, anybody who enjoys watching movies with a bright, sharp picture might’ve had one. But now? Ah, to buy one now is to start down the path to the kind of lifestyle where you listen to 8-tracks instead of mp3s. “I just prefer the format,” you’ll say, as you re-cinch your smoking jacket, or adjust your fez, or comb some more wax into your magnificent handlebar moustache.

Besides, HD-DVDs are cheap, and about to get cheaper. Soon you’ll be able to pick them up at garage sales, where they’ll be available by the boxload alongside VHS tapes. And if the selection seems a little… random, well, your Venture HD-DVD player still plays regular ol’ DVDs just fine.

But to get your collection started, this player will come with two HD-DVD movies. You’ll get two of the following, in decreasing order of desirability: 300 (“Sweet, I loved that movie!”), The Bourne Identity (“Cool, I really liked that movie.”), The Perfect Storm (“Oh, I heard that was good.”), Rumor Has It (“Hmn.”) or Firewall (“Ugh, how much you want to bet that’s one of the ones we get?”)

So snap this player up—then trade in your Ford Focus for a Harley Topper! ‘Cause today… OK, today you’re a little out of date. But in a few short years? Boy, you’re going to be the lovable neighborhood oddball. The hit of every cocktail party. The kids’ favorite house on Hallowe’en. They’ll say “you know old man [your name], the guy who keeps bees, and invents his own slang? The guy with the outdoor shower, who plucks his eyebrows into that weird shape? Did you know he watches HD-DVDs? That guy’s awesome!”

Warranty: 1 Year Venturer

Warranty: 1 Year Nike

Features:

• Face Direction: Right-Handed
• Length: 36 inches
• Head Material: Stainless Steel
• Grip: Nike slingshot rubber tour model
• Shaft: True Temper Nike Speed Step
• Flex: Wedge flex
• Loft: 56 degrees

In the box:

• Mike slingshot Oss Sand Wedge

How many times have you wanted an extra 32 bits? The HP Pavilion Slimline S3320F Dual Athlon 5200+ 2.6GHz has a 64 bit processor, but only comes with 32 bit Windows Vista. That’s a free 32 bits just lying around!

klikIt doesn’t work that way.

Oh, really? So you just sit in that booth and hand down pronouncements about what “it” does and doesn’t mean? Who are you? Have you ever done this before? I’d bet a year’s salary you don’t know a ATSC/NTSC HDTV and FM Tuner from a 16X DVD± R/RW 12X RAM ±R DL LightScribe SATA optical drive!

klikI’m just saying that-

Just saying? Why are you saying anything? Can’t you even do math? What are they teaching you? If you can figure out how sixty four minus thirty two doesn’t leave thirty two then… I’ll take you San Francisco for a weekend. Good lord. Good lord!

klikOkay, let’s just

Good lord! I just wanted to talk about the HP Pavilion Slimline S3320F and… and I endure this nonsense? Dear Heaven, do I need a drink. How do you even get work? Good Lord!

Warranty: 1 Year HP

iPhone, shmiPhone. Or should that be “iPhone, iShmone”? These Internet-age capitalization conventions make being snide a lot more complicated.

No, the Dell X51 Axim Pocket PC Color PDA isn’t a phone. And that’s what I like about it. I hate talking on the phone. Seriously, whose heart doesn’t sink when they feel their phone vibrating? But it’s more than that. Taking calls, making calls, checking messages – I’m done with it. The whole lot of it can jump in the lake as far as I’m concerned.

Me, I only have pockets for the the Dell X51 Axim Pocket PC Color PDA. It’s loaded with Windows Mobile 5.0 and a whole bunch of apps. No playing pinchy-pinchy when you want to use those apps, either – this pen-entry device doesn’t go for that funny stuff. To read PDFs on the Axim X51, all you need is PocketXpdf. To read a PDF on your iPhone, you need a computer science degree. Best of all, you can be sure that you’ll never, ever be disturbed by a dreaded phone call.

No, the X51 is not much of a music or video player, with no storage space other than whatever you can cram into the SD card slot. But fortunately for me, I hate videos and music, too.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Equipped with Microsoft Windows Mobile 5.0 operating system with Windows Media Player 10 Mobile
• Powered by the Intel XScale PXA270 Processor at 416 MHz
• Packed with up to 64 MB SDRAM and up to 128 Flash ROM
• Brilliant 3.5” color TFT display for indoor and outdoor viewing
• Integrated Bluetooth Connectivity
• 5-way navigation button and Bluetooth wireless on/off button for easy access to information
• Integrated CompactFlash Type II and Secure Digital / SDIO Now! / MMC card slots provide flexible expansion
• 3.5 mm headphone / headset jack for headsets to support voice recognition applications
• Removable primary battery with optional high capacity battery
• Built-in microphone and speaker for easy recording on the go
• Sleek, stylish design

In the box:

• Dell Axim X51 PDA
• Power Adapter
• USB Sync Cable
• Stylus Pen
• Battery (Brand New)
• Owner’s Manual